Strengthening Military Families:

5 Simple Steps To Building Children’s Self Esteem

By Rhashidah Perry-Jones, MPA, Parent Educator

It is important for children to have a healthy self-esteem. According to child development specialists, children with high self-esteem act independently, make friends easily, have a positive outlook, are more willing to try new things, and are even less likely to try drugs. When you give your child messages that communicate they are loveable, worthwhile, and capable, it helps build them up. However, daily, multi-sensory self-esteem boosts may be next to impossible for mothers on the go.  Affirmation encounters are a powerful and effective way that moms can have a positive influence on their child’s self-esteem and make the most of their time spent together.

An affirmation is a statement asserting the existence or the truth of something. An Affirmation Encounter is a mindful, tactile approach to giving your child an affirmation. In some parenting circles they are called Spells. These encounters have a great impact on children because they engage your child on a multi-sensory level: touch, sight, hearing, and smell. A positive affirmation can help your child feel good about him or herself and increase your child’s self-esteem. They are positive statements about who your child is, and what he can become and experience. They should evoke positive emotions within your child. These compelling statements tell your child she is worthwhile and capable.

Here are five simple steps that can have a huge impact on your child’s self-esteem:

1. Get eye-level with your child. The two of you should be face-to-face. If your child is shorter than you kneel or squat.  If your child is taller, bend him down to your level.  /  Sense: sight.
2. Make sure you are standing or kneeling within six inches of your child. You need to be close for the greatest effect. Standing further away will lessen the impact. Get close enough so your child can smell you.  /  Sense: smell
3. Touch your child by holding her hands, resting your hands on his shoulders, or cupping her face with both your hands. This will ensure a face-to-face and body-to-body contact encounter.  /  Sense: touch
4. Say an affirmation to your child and then give an example of what the child did that embodied the affirmation. This is providing descriptive praise. The affirmation could focus on effort, improvement, show appreciation or just state a positive truth. For example, one could say “You are so creative. The way you painted the blue in the sky and then added a little yellow to make it look like the sun’s rays was so creative.” Or, “You are so smart. You ask the best questions.” Try to stay away from general praise/affirmations like you are such a good player—make it specific, describe what’s good about it.  /  Sense: hearing
5. Close with affection. – After saying the affirmation, hug or kiss your child. /  Senses: touch and smell

The next time your child is feeling down about something or if you just want to acknowledge his effort for a story he’s written, making new friends, sharing–anything positive, try an affirmation encounter. Affirmation Encounters are a great way to increase your child’s self-esteem and for you to be present with your child.

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